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But this way of seeing is too far removed from the state of mind and
spiritual education in which X has lived,# of course, for him to
understand. Nor am I in favor of proselytizing (to convince X); it
would disturb him quite needlessly. He has not come here for that. He
came here for something special, something I wanted which he brought,
and I have learnt it. Now it's excellent, he is a part of the group in
his own fashion, that's all. And in a certain way, his presence here is
having a very good effect on a whole category of people who had not been
touched but who are now becoming more and more favorably inclined. It
was difficult to reach all the traditionalists, for example, the people
attached to the old spiritual forms; well, they seem now to have been
touched by something.
When Amrita,3 seized with zeal, wanted to make him understand
what we were doing here and what Sri Aurobindo had wanted, it almost
erupted into an unpleasant situation. So after that, I decided to
identify myself with him to see - I had never done this, because
normally I only do it when I am responsible for someone, in order to
truly help someone, and I've never felt any responsibility in regard to
X. So I wanted to see his inner situation, what could and could not be
done. That was the day you saw him coming down from our meditation in an
ecstatic state, when he told you that all separation between him and me
had dropped away - it was to be expected, I anticipated as much! page 416 , Mother's Agenda , volume - 1, 20 sept. 1960 |
I told this to X - or rather had someone tell him - to see his reaction. And I realized that he did not understand in the least! Once Amrita asked him how he himself SAW and KNEW things. So he tried to explain; he told Amrita that he had to pull his consciousness upwards by a gradual effort, to go beyond the heart, beyond the throat center ... to pull it right up here (the top of the head), and once there, you're divine, you know! All of a sudden, I understood that when I said it was there, above the head, it must have seemed absolutely impossible to him! For him, it's the crown of the head' (what they call the thousand-petalled lotus), just at the top of the head, whereas in my experience it opens, it rises and you go above, and then you settle there ... page 432 , Mother's Agenda , volume - 1, 11th Oct. 1960 |
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Don't write all this down, erase it, because ... I'll speak of it
later - once it's over, when I've reached the end. I don't want it to
fall into anyone's hands by accident. And for you, keep it in your
consciousness.
(silence) I'm telling you all this because of what happened the other day. It's with such experiences that the ... the true Power is acquired. And then, at the same time, some rather interesting things are happening. Imagine, X is starting to understand certain things - that is, in his own way he is discovering the progress I am making; he's discovering it as a received teaching (through subtle channels). He wrote a letter to Amrita two or three days ago in which he translates in his own language, with his own words and his own way of speaking, exactly my most recent experiences - things that I have conquered in a general way. This interests me, for these things do not at all enter through the mind (he doesn't receive a thing there, he's closed there). So in his letter he says that this thing or that is necessary (he describes it in his own words), and he adds, 'This is why we must be so grateful to have among us the ... the great Mother* (as he puts it), the great Mother who knows these things.' - 'Good!' I said to myself. (It had to do with something specific concerning the capacity for discrimination in the outside world, the different qualities and different functions of different beings, all of which depends on one's inner construction, as it were.) So I see that even this, even these physical experiences, is received (and yet I hadn't tried, I had never tried to make him receive it); it merely works like this, you see (gesture of a widespread diffusion), and the experience is very - how should I say? - drastic, with a kind of ... (power of radiation). Imperative.page 490 , Mother's Agenda , volume - 1, 26th Nov. 1960 |
Now X is coming, and these days of meditation with trim.' What is going to happen? ... By the way, he no longer writes that he's coming to 'help the Ashram.' He wrote to Amrita that he's coming to have the opportunity (I can't exactly remember his words) ... anyway, to take advantage of his meditations with me so that he can make the necessary transformations! ... Quite a changed attitude. I had several visions concerning him which I'll tell you later. page 493 , Mother's Agenda , volume - 1, 13th Dec. 1960 |
It was the same thing when I made that overmental formation (we were heading for miracles!). One day Sri Aurobindo told me I had brought down into Amrita[[One of Mother's secretaries. ]] a force of the creative Brahma (it's the creative Word, the Word that realizes itself automatically). And I don't know what happened ... something, I can't recall what, that showed me it was working very well. Then a sort of idea occurred to me: "Why, we could try this power on mosquitoes: let mosquitoes cease to exist! What would happen?" (We were pestered by mosquitoes at the time.) Before doing it (the meditation was over, it would have been for the next time), I said to Sri Aurobindo, "Well, what if we tried with that force which responds; if we said, 'Let mosquitoes cease to exist,' we could at least get rid of them within a certain field of action, a certain field of influence, couldn't we?" So he looked at me (with a smile), kept silent, and, after a moment, turned to me and said, You are in full Overmind. That is not the Truth we want to manifest.... I told you the story. It was on that occasion. We could have done things of that sort. He told me (Mother speaks with an ironic tone), "Oh, you can certainly perform miracles! People will be wonderstruck." (silence) page 75-76 , Mother's Agenda , volume 4 , 9th March 1963 |
Once, Amrita also told me that for him, the Divine was something simply unthinkable. So I answered him, "No! That way, it won't help you. Just think that the Divine is everything (to the fullest possible extent, of course), everything we want to become in our highest, most enlightened aspiration. All that we want to become - that's what the Divine is." He was so happy! He told me, "Oh, that way it becomes easy!" page 152 , Mother's Agenda , volume 8 , 24th May - 1967 |
There were a few very difficult days when Amrita left, [[On January 31, 1969. Amrita was the person in charge of the Ashram's finances. Bharatidi's departure (on November 7, 1968) appears to have acted as a trigger, for it was followed by Amrita's, then Pavitra's (on May 16), then Satyakarma's (Mother's cashier) .... This calls to mind Satprem's vision of Sri Aurobindo, several of whose toes had been cut off, that is to say, several people. See Agenda VIII of July 5, 1967. ]] because a whole collectivity of people thought, "Ooh, so one can die." There. So that's how it is. page 67-68 , Mother's Agenda , volume 10 , 19th feb - 1969 |
People write to me ... Previously, all kinds of things were going on downstairs [in the Ashram's offices]; people would speak with Amrita and they would "sort it out"; now, they're writing to me! ... I've just heard a load of it, you know ... (gesture like a truckload being dumped). I did have a kind of sensation that things weren't right, but I'd never have thought they were like that. page 174 , Mother's Agenda , volume 10 , 10th May - 1969 |
Apart from that, in Amrita's case, it was something different again. [[ Amrita left his body on January 31, following a heart attack. ]] Amrita used to come in spite of his illness, he used to come and see me every day; he would come upstairs in the morning and sit down here, and once again in the evening (you saw how much work it was to climb the stairs). In his case, when he left ... The doctor had told him, "You can't go upstairs for a month," and it's after that, later on that day, that he came: he didn't accept, he left his body and came - he came straight to me. But he was IN HIS OWN FORM, more subtle, but precisely defined (Mother draws an outline showing Amrita's form), it was his form, in his likeness. And he remained there, now active and now at rest (he rests more than he is active, but now and then he is still active). It's like ... like a shadow, you understand, which is wholly in my atmosphere. And he has stayed there-he stays there, rests there. But in Pavitra's case, it was something else altogether: it's the entire conscious being which gave up ... (how can I put it?) its limits, the personal limit and form, so as to identify totally - he entered like that, like a stream of consciousness and force, but very material, very material: it produced a friction, I felt a friction, and for three hours. I had never seen that before, it was the first time - I had heard about it very often (it's often mentioned), that knowledge the great yogis had: they would go like that deliberately. page 184 , Mother's Agenda , volume 10 , 17th May - 1969 |